i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
