goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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