I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
