grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
