Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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