I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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