Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
