And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Randomize
