Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I need water and some morals
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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