I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
