there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
