Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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