Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
