After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
