he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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