Are we in a gay sports bar?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
