I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
