How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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