So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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