Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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