and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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