let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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