wakey wakey hands off snakey
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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