Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
