she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
