So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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