he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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