I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
