Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
