Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Randomize
