she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
