i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
