Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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