Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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