I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Acid is not a monday night drug
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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