I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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