I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
