Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
