At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
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