Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
There's always time for handjobs
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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