if i can run in heels then i can drive
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
