What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I seem to have left my pride at pride
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
