my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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