Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
