I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
