I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
