Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
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