I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
