dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Randomize
