'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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