Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
